Friday

I am too drained to even make an inarticulate, rambling, stream of consciousness post about my evaluation on Friday. Have an excerpt from the explanation I gave to Scarlett during a chat instead:

[9/25/11 12:15:10 PM] Cheeks: okay, assessment. they did a brief medical eval, and a longer psych/ed eval.
[9/25/11 12:15:24 PM] Cheeks: i would need to get a thorough medical eval with an ekg, bloodwork, etc. elsewhere
[9/25/11 12:15:59 PM] Cheeks: it was one of those times where you don't realize how fucked up you are until you start saying "yes" to everything
[9/25/11 12:16:16 PM] Cheeks: especially concerning medical symptoms

[9/25/11 12:16:44 PM] Cheeks: it was a smaller facility, and everyone on staff knew my name when i came in. i only saw a couple of other girls, very quickly, and they were near skeletal and being hustled from one room to another
[9/25/11 12:17:47 PM] Cheeks: i think i accidentally insinuated that i used oxycontin instead of oxyelite, haha
[9/25/11 12:18:03 PM] Cheeks: oh well, might as well add one more thing
[9/25/11 12:18:46 PM] Cheeks: the woman in charge of my assessment still had to talk to the "team" afterwards (ah! i'm in teamland!)

but she said that she felt that i was barely medically stable enough for intensive ip, and that just the evening program alone would not be enough
[9/25/11 12:20:18 PM] Cheeks: apparently my heartbeat was not cooperating that morning

[9/25/11 12:25:44 PM] Cheeks: disordered me wants to stop binging. and to keep losing weight. and to be superwarrioranagirl.
[9/25/11 12:26:09 PM] Cheeks: and trying to get better me wants to stop binging. but also wants to start being able to have a normal life without thinking about food all the time, when i can just eat when i'm hungry and idk have a boyfriend and go out binge drinking like you're supposed to in college
[9/25/11 12:27:13 PM] Cheeks: they did a blind weight for me, fully clothed. and they said i was XXX% of my ~ideal body weight~. which i'm guessing means a 20 bmi
[9/25/11 12:28:24 PM] Cheeks: i don't feel sick enough to stop school though. and i don't feel sick enough that my school work isn't getting done, or i'm not socializing at all. i do both of those things, they are just very, very hard.

[9/25/11 12:56:59 PM] Cheeks: and i am just now starting to feel the satisfaction of weight loss, and that is one of the first things about my ed to make me feel proud and accomplished in a while
[9/25/11 12:57:16 PM] Cheeks: one of the first things in general to make me feel proud and accomplished
[9/25/11 12:58:10 PM] Cheeks: i was skyping with a friend at uchicago last night. and i had to get up and get some water and when i came back she had seen a full body shot and was kind of angry i had lost so much weight
[9/25/11 12:58:40 PM] Cheeks: and i tried to play it off but inside i was so happy and proud that someone noticed.