I've been gone for a while now. We all have, really. How quickly we get sucked into the belly of December, of holidays and family eyes, our brains scrambling to keep up with the influx of triggers and reminders and memories.
And January, the aftermath. New year, new resolutions, so early we can pretend they won't fail. Our strongest-willed attempts at perfection, finally.
Well I've given up on perfection. That train left a long time ago. But I'm going to try and do things right.
I grew my nails out; they are so long now that they would scrape my throat and draw blood by mistake. I stopped purging, because purging means binging. I change my meal plan to the cheapest option. I am so ready for doing things right this time.
Ballet lessons, fourteen credits, four days a week at the gym minimum, three hundred calories per day maximum. It is not even an effort, because I did it before--last summer. 1,000 calories was hard. Exhaustion and strawberry smoothies are the most natural things in the world.
I'm ready for 2012. Are you?
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